Yes, fun, I’m a prostitute, ha. Whatever this used to mean – women only having one job – it doesn’t anymore. I am an Office Girl now! I took this job after about six months of being rejected for every job there seemed to be: too old, over-qualified, or didn’t have enough social job skills. It wasn’t much fun. But at least I had my freedom.
For a week and a half I’ve been going to bed early every night like a good girl, waking up Grumpy Cat-ish at 7 every morning. BIKING 30 minutes to work over bridges and through fields, by houses with huge (vegetable) gardens, and coloured sheep. Experiencing Arnhem wake up. Going for little walks during my break, making new friends and talking about everything that’s important and anything that’s not. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it?
That was the good part. I’ve also been staring at computer screens for over 7 fulltime days now, trying to lose big headaches by consuming painkillers and trying to eat and drink as regularly as possible. I’ve been avoiding screens at home, forgetting about my hobbies, my projects, my creativity. Sometimes I just want to go to bed as soon as I come home from work. Sometimes my eyes will roll to the back of my head when I’m staring at a screen once again and I can’t see what anything means. I’m scared of the corporate responsibilities all day.
So what means more to me, in life? I’ve been quite the Paris Hilton untill now, never really having to work. I did my fair share of weird jobs because I couldn’t be bothered by any normal, dull job. Instead, I watched movies while I ate cookies for a University’s food studies, or I sniffed smelly fragrances in a lab. Okay, maybe that’s just Wageningen (town). I was okay with any job, as long as people didn’t bother too much with me and I didn’t have to work crazy long hours each day.
At the moment I’m feeling tortured even seeing what people on Facebook are doing with their lives, because my friend list exists merely out of artists, photographers, models, make-up artists, stylists, students and travellers, and I want to be all of them at once. Each day I try to frantically come up with some creative idea to make money but will still grant me with significant experiences and artsy happiness, and passionate working. I’m spoiled.
Do I keep doing a (corporate) job that’s messing with my creative brain and leaving me with square eyes? For the sake of the money, and the experience working in an office? Or do I quit early once again in search of goals in life and things that ACTUALLY interest me?
I don’t want to be a quitter. But I don’t want to be in a cubicle, either.