Body Fandom

Body Fandom

I stare at the email I just received. “You have an amazing body!” it reads. Wait, what? I thought I was heavy on the hips, or so I had been for the last four years.

Don’t be offended, this is the modeling world I’m speaking of, where it’s hard not to be infected with delusional big-ass-syndrome. However, switching to the curvy or plus size side means I am now officially skinny, which is, pardon my language, a mind fuck. My body confidence and this industry are soulmates, and I always see the exact opposite of what they want me to be.

Well. Together with the acceptance of my body by foreign agencies, my self esteem has grown since I stopped modeling for my first agency at eighteen. Since my skimpy hips were, in the fashion world, considered ready for childbirth for four years, the positive comments I have been given are a bit overwhelming. I don’t want to be unappreciative – because really, who doesn’t like a good body compliment? – but I’m not sure I’m open to believing all of it just yet.

Foreign agencies want me. Photographers want to work with me again. Shooting for curvier pictures is fun! No need for butt-clenching or┬áhiding any upper legginess and please do pad your bra, honey, because the bigger the boobs, the better! I think I’m transforming with my age. Where I used to wriggle around like a newborn foal, shooting awkward and angry looks at the camera, I can now sit up gracefully and do the old ‘shoulders straight, tummy in, boobs out’ pose and sometimes even – ready for it? – smile! This process works perfectly with how I feel inside: yes, still a girl, but perhaps not an angry baby. Maturing.

Last week I received my first option from one of my foreign agencies. In my whole ‘career’ as a fashion model I have never received any foreign offers, because please, those hips! And here it finally is. Acceptance. Maybe pushing the body type a bit in the other direction, but still, appreciation of the whole package. I don’t even care if I get booked for that job, because it is a step forward on itself.

Maybe, if this isn’t all fairytales and fashion myths, I might even do something with this after graduating. Fingers crossed.

2 thoughts on “Body Fandom

  1. That one post you made about one or two years ago was a heartbreaking one to read. I’m glad you work your way towards (self)acceptance :)

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