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Month: December 2012

Two Weeks Before Christmas

Two Weeks Before Christmas

Under the blankie everything’s chill, this is a warm couch and from here I can easily get hold of television gear, my glass of lemonade, the overload of crisps and sweets casually hanging around and my phone. Actually, I’m lying on my phone right now, because my phone is always too close and might as well be a newly discovered body part. I have to get to class but I know I won’t, I know I won’t even go downstairs to make a sandwich or get my book, because it’s too damn hard.

Whiny, lazy, greasy hair. It’s two weeks before Christmas and this means I won’t do anything properly anymore. I just want daily life to stop – it’s too dark outside anyway – and to crawl back inside a nice Christmassy cave where no one bothers me.

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Body Fandom

Body Fandom

I stare at the email I just received. “You have an amazing body!” it reads. Wait, what? I thought I was heavy on the hips, or so I had been for the last four years.

Don’t be offended, this is the modeling world I’m speaking of, where it’s hard not to be infected with delusional big-ass-syndrome. However, switching to the curvy or plus size side means I am now officially skinny, which is, pardon my language, a mind fuck. My body confidence and this industry are soulmates, and I always see the exact opposite of what they want me to be.

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The Great Gap

The Great Gap

I just stumbled over my thoughts and found out that perhaps, perhaps I don’t want to write spectacularly intellectual stories. Perhaps it is okay to just write the girl-meets-boy tensionfilled stories I love to write. Perhaps it is okay to not be so hard on myself at times, because if anything, I don’t like things that are perfect, or symmetrical.

The Great Gap is ahead of me: I will be done studying in February and there’s nothing planned for the rest of the year, or the next. I have big plans for my gap year, most of them having to do with either modeling, writing or traveling. I can picture myself doing some kind of volunteering work with animals, I long to visit Vancouver Island and its orca community, I could perhaps go to some country or city for a while and do some modeling there, I could go back to Thailand and travel without rushing (I went to Thailand for two weeks this April, I will tell more about this later), and the best thing: I can write everywhere. All the time. After that I could do maybe a writing internship somewhere and then move on to the Creative Writing Masterplan.

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Liverpool

Liverpool

We’re sitting at a table in a full cafĂ©, trying to have a conversation, but it sounds like about twenty people are having a hysterical laughing fit behind me. I turn around; there’s three people sitting there. One of the men at the table next to ours is standing up and accidentally kicks my bag a little – “Sorry, lov,” he says. The waiter brings me a huge caesar salad and a plate of potato wedges accompanied by a puddle of much needed garlic mayo. This is my last night here, in Liverpool. And it’s been so lovely.

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